Impostors Syndrome and Mother Theresa

Impostor Syndrome and Mother Theresa: What Impostor Syndrome is and
7 Ways to Counter It!
Written by the Elf
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So, my job changed a lot this year. And when I first heard about impostor syndrome, I associated it with work. People trying to fit in with colleagues. But there’s a lot more to it. Apparently, people struggle with this not just at work, but in social situations, in their families and in their faith (new believers and born-in-the-church believers alike).

The more and more I looked into impostor syndrome the more I realized how much it’s impacted me. How so many of us experience it. And how it’s hindered me from accomplishing things in the past.

The term might be new, but the condition definitely is not.

But What is Impostor Syndrome?

Impostor syndrome is when you continually feel self-doubt to the point of feeling like a fake and are insecure about it. Like you don’t belong or deserve what you have. You might deem yourself unworthy of something you are worthy of. Or you might attribute all of your successes to dumb luck. You might set impossible goals for yourself. Or perhaps the most common thing- you can’t take a compliment. Comparatively you don’t feel as good or as capable as the people around you.

Keep reading for ways to counter Impostor Syndrome!

Mother Theresa

Mother Theresa experienced impostor syndrome.

Yes, the woman that we generally associate with extreme piety. The one whose life mission was to care for those on the fringes of society who felt unloved or unwelcomed. She experienced self doubt, doubted God and felt unworthy of praise or attention. There are thousands of official pages written about why she was canonized a saint. But when awarded the Nobel Peace prize she declared that she was just a regular person and not worthy of the recognition or prize. (She did accept it and donated the money back to taking care of the poor by the way.)

From what I’ve read I think it is fair to assume that she feared 3 things. First that people would find out that she was not as wonderful as they thought she was. Second that they would know that she had doubted her faith so much. And finally that she was not as strong as she was seen to be.

Now what really threw me for a loop this week was that SHE WAS RIGHT! Not about not being awesome- she was truly devoted to her mission and truly was an amazing example of God’s unconditional love.

But she was right about people judging her and deeming her unworthy of the praise she received. In fact, with a minimal amount of googling you can find people discussing how NOT great and faithful she was from their air-conditioned houses, well out of sight of the poor. But she kept on going- continued to do what she felt like she was called to do.

Which makes me think that annnnnything you do can be judged harshly.

Mother Theresa y’all.

I’ve been thinking about that all week.

Two Biblical Examples

The terms only been around for a few decades, but you can see examples of this in the Bible.

Matthew 25 tells us the Parable of the Talents. Three servants are entrusted with some of their masters property. Two of them trade and double what they were entrusted with while the last servant buries his away and returns it as it was upon the masters return. The first two were highly praised and the last was scolded for his squandering of the opportunity. How often are we tempted to just bury things away? Not dealing with them? Not trying new things? Instead of taking the chance of doubling the reward, we squander it by hiding it away. We doubt that we can really be used by God.

Gideon. When he heard God’s calling to lead his people, he not only felt unworthy, he tested God’s call. He had to have three signs before he believed what God was telling him to do. When he was asked to do seemingly impossible things, he had to be reassured again! Despite that, he did what he was told. He was successful, Israel was saved and God was glorified.  

Keep Reading for Causes of Impostor Syndrome & Counters for it!

I feel most like an impostor when I….

1-Get competitive with comparison
When the focus turns to how everyone around us is better, faster, and smarter- we have lost our perspective.

2-Am placed in a new position with something I’ve invested in
Nothing stays the same forever, right? Even if we want it to. Our roles in our families, our jobs, our friendships all change. That can be hard, even when it’s a happy change.

3-Get stuck on social media or play the comparison game  
It’s easy to fall down the rabbit hole that is social media surfing. And when that surfing turns into comparing, even unconsciously, we end up hurting ourselves. The longer I stay on social media, the more I start feeling the negative pull of comparison.

4- When I’m frozen by the fear of failure and rejection
I don’t know how to do it right. Thanks, but I’ll fall on my face learning something new another day. How much have I missed out on because I feared failure? But what if they reject me? Do I want everyone around me to be content just so I’ll be comfortable?

5-Listening to my own self criticism
Negative thinking is like yeast in that it doesn’t take a lot to start a big reaction, it spreads quickly and blows everything up. And rarely have I found berating myself to fix or help my own problems or those around me.

6- Inaction because I’m worried about a reaction
I have a tendency to over analyze things- especially potential outcomes. I’ll play whole conversations in my head over and over again, worrying about what the reaction of someone else might be. And thinking about the best possible outcome? Well, I mightttt spend five seconds on that before I convince myself that could never happen.

7- I’m not acknowledging my feelings
Press on. Keep pushing. “Conceal, don’t feel. Put on a show, make one wrong move and everyone will know” (Frozen- you’re welcome. At least Frozen 2 will be out soon with new songs)

8-I’m overwhelmed and anxious
Big social gatherings, starting a new job or the first week of school are overwhelming. Or it could be the feeling of everything going wrong and not being able to catch a break- or breathe. It doesn’t take much for anxiety to get overwhelming.

9- I’m trying to fit in and look like I know what I’m doing
If you lead a bunch of Bible studies than you can’t question the Bible toooo much, right? Or at that new job, how many questions are too many? Or maybe it’s that we fear rejection and desperately, subconsciously, want to fit in with and be friends with a certain group of people.

10-Caring what anyone besides God says about who I am 
The trolls can be mean. Heck, people we actually know and love can be mean. We can be mean to ourselves.

10 ways to counterbalance those feelings…

1- Keep perspective
I want to watch, listen to and encourage those that I admire in my lane and those in a different lane with a fresh perspective.
And thank goodness there will always be someone faster, stronger and better than me. I don’t want to be the foremost expert on anything- what an incredible burden that would be. Amazing things can happen when we make room for others and celebrate their successes. 

2- Take one step at a time
Take a step back if you need to and take things one day and hour at a time. Sometimes when I’m feeling super anxious it’s more like one minute at a time. Trying to ground and distract myself. What small move forward can I take right now?

3- Remember that what you post isn’t about me
I learned this from Jon Acuff’s book Finish. Beyond remembering that people post their highlights (or just what they want you to see) on social media, you need to remember that what they post is not about you. My friend did not post that pregnancy announcement to spite me, or post their happy adventure pictures to make me feel depressed about not leaving the house this weekend. Limiting my time on social media and making sure that I’m still connecting with people in real life has been significant for me in keeping my perspective straight.

4- Acknowledging the possibility of failure and rejection
Ok the first draft is going to suck- then it gets better. I don’t have to focus on the negative. Failure can be the best learning experience. View it as a part of the process… Listen, Learn, Adjust, Keep Moving.
And rejection? That’s a lot tougher. Lysa Terkeurst in her book Uninvited talks about how it steals our best because it’s reinforcing the worst voices in our head. So we have to be really intentional counterbalancing that with thankfulness and positivity.

5- 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to take our thoughts captive.
We are the gatekeepers of our minds. What are we putting in/ listening to? We can turn away the negative thoughts at the gate when we practice enough. Rachel Hollis in her book Girl, Wash Your Face reminds us to think gratefully and remember that what other people think about us is none of our business. Replacing negative thoughts with grateful ones when I wake up in the middle of the night with my baby has changed my month!

6- Stop the spiraling thoughts in their tracks
Speaking of taking captive our thoughts… When I focus on possible outcomes or reactions, my thoughts spiral. When I find myself start to spiral I’ll pause. I can replace the thoughts with distractions, a positive thought, or I’ll go and get whatever I’m pondering done so I stop spiraling. And I think it’s important here to acknowledge the little victories- because it is hardddd to stop this, especially if it has become a habit. But I can practice taking in and meditating on positive thoughts.

7- It’s normal to feel big feelings, frauds one of them
We got to take an Emotional Intelligence workshop with the Relationship Experts recently. Check out their helpful YouTube videos here. During that workshop they emphasized that we shouldn’t label feelings as bad. They don’t have to dictate our lives or how we respond to things but we need to acknowledge and work through our feelings. Why are you feeling shame, fear, doubt, or like a fraud?

8- When you’re anxious- work it out
I have a list in my wallet of things I can do when I’m anxious to help ground me. They basically boil down to talking it out (with a friend and professional), stretching, turning on a show or listing out my tasks in reasonable chunks.

9- It’s ok to not know what you’re doing all the time  
I don’t know where the line falls. How many questions are too many for your new boss or in a strained relationship. But I do know that we appear more genuine and more relatable to those around us when we aren’t super human 100% of the time because we all know that NO ONE is.

10- Listen to what God says about who I am
If we are not consciously listening to who God says we are, who and what are we listening to? This is SO significant for me. I slip back into people pleaser mode without even realizing it when I’m not consciously and intentionally focusing on what God says about who I am.

All of these counterbalances remind me of the basic rules of any early childhood classroom. Maybe everything I needed to learn I really did learn in Kindergarten!

*Cheer your friends on *You can make smart choices *Use your voice and talk it out *You’re not going to get everything right the first time- that’s good! Keep going!! *Jesus loves you AND me!

So in case you needed a reminder today… God is bigger than our struggles, He can handle our fear and frustration. He made us and loves us. We are valuable and worthy. We are capable of getting back up and forging on.

You’ve got this- go attack the day.

What to Check out Next:

-If you enjoyed this blog, you might like our post on Brene Brown’s Call to Courage, Practice Prayers, or Talking Your Teens through the movie Just Mercy.

Resources:
Article 1, Article 2, Article 3, Article 4,Article 5, Article 6
Research Sources:
Article 1, Article 2, Article 3, Article 4, Video 1, Video 2, Video 3

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