Girl Wash Your Face, Stop Apologizing and Rise up! Written by the Elf with notes from the Queen and Princess.
Reviews and Discussion Questions for the two Rachel Hollis Self Help books and a quick summary of the RISE Conference in Dallas (2019).
Book 1: Girl Wash Your Face
*Keep reading for our review with discussion questions for each of the books and the 2019 Rise Conference.*
Book: Girl Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant To Be
Author: Rachel Hollis
Pages: 240 (20 short chapters)
Published: 2018
Rating: 4 out of 5 Stars
Warnings: The author talks about a lot of difficult things that she experienced in her life including her families mental health, a suicide and learning how to be comfortable with sex. The book mentions suicide, mental health, alcohol, sex, the foster system and adoption difficulties.
Summary: From the website www.GirlWashYourFace.com “”Have you ever believed that you aren’t good enough? That you’re not thin enough? That you’re unlovable? That you’re a bad mom? Have you ever believed that you deserve to be treated badly? That you’ll never amount to anything? All lies. With wry wit and hard-earned wisdom, popular online personality and founder of TheChicSite.com Rachel Hollis helps readers break free from the lies keeping them from the joy-filled and exuberant lives they are meant to live.”
Short Review: The three people on the team who have read this book all really enjoyed it. It is absolutely not going to be everyone’s cup of tea because of the depth of topics covered and the conversational writing style. However, if you’re in the market for an honest, entertaining and motivating read, look no further. The author writes in an incredibly relatable way and kicks you in the pants like a good mentor or big sister, helping you remember how blessed you are to be given this life so you need to get up and use it!
Discussion Questions:
We highly suggest you go back through the lie that each chapter covers and discussing whether or not you struggle with that, or have struggled with that. Talk about what helped the author and what has or might help you. This was great to do before the Rise Conference as well.
Part One (Covering Chapters 1-6)
1- Comparison is so easy, especially with social media. Share some ideas about how you can stay positive and focus on what brings you joy instead of comparing or focusing on negativity.
2- Are you good at making bite size goals? What about keeping promises to yourself?
3- We have a negative voice inside our head- have you named yours? Share ideas about how to silence that voice of negativity and ideas about how to practice repeating truths about yourself. Remember you are worth the work.
4- Judging others help us feel more secure and everyone struggles with it on some level. How do you keep your perspective and judgement in check?
5- How do you keep up your persistence? What motivates you to keep getting back up when you inevitably fall down?
6- Have you ever struggled with your self worth because of a relationship? Who helps you keep your perspective in relationships?
Part Two (Covering Chapters 7-13)
1- If you feel comfortable sharing- how has what you were taught about sex as a child/teen impacted you positively or negatively as an adult?
2- If you’ve got moms in your group with younger kids, share about things that helped you embrace time with your kids and things that helped you get through rough patches. How have you built up the village around your family? Remind the mamas in the group that they’re doing a great job!
3- How can you support and lift up moms that are doing things differently than you are? (eg: if you stay at home, how can your encourage your mama friend that works full time, etc…)
4- Pause for a few minutes and write out lists of big and small things you have accomplished. We encourage you to try to list twenty in 5/10 minutes so you don’t start to overthink it and second guess yourself. What’s the next small win you’re working on?
5- Sometimes we don’t even realize how often we make ourselves small so as not to inconvenience anyone else or to keep our egos safe. What is your vision for your life or your next goal? What’s your mantra or power phrase that you’re using to help you stay in a strong mindset to get there?
Part Three (Covering Chapters 14-20)
1- Letting ourselves have fun, or indulging in joy, as the book says, is so important! How do you let loose and enjoy yourself in your everyday life?
2- It’s easy to become obsessed with what other people’s opinions of you are. How do you remind yourself that other people’s opinions of you are none of your business?
3- We’ve all experienced traumas and difficulties in life. If you feel comfortable sharing- how have you been able to turn some of your past pain into power? What’s your perception of therapy? Be extra sensitive with this question!!
4- If you’re working on weight loss, what’s your favorite mantra that helps you keep going? Challenge the group to keep each other accountable for working out as well as complimenting yourself every time you pass a mirror.
5- You are in charge of your life! Talk about what you have implemented from this study that has impacted you and what your next steps are.
Keep reading for our Rise Conference review.
Book: Girl Stop Apologizing
Book: Girl Stop Apologizing: A Shame Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals
Author: Rachel Hollis
Pages: 240 (Broken Up Into 3 Sections)
Published: 2019
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Warnings: This book takes the same honest tone as the last book but nothing that we think needs a specific warning.
Summary: From www.TheHollisCo.com “We Need You To Stop Apologizing for who you are and become who you were made to be. Rachel sounds a wake-up call. She knows that many women have been taught to define themselves in light of other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who they are and what they want. With a challenge to women everywhere to stop talking themselves out of their dreams, Hollis identifies the excuses to let go of, the behaviors to adopt, and the skills to acquire on the path to growth, confidence, and believing in yourself.”
Short Review: Three of us read this book and really enjoyed it. It is not the funny, uplifting read that Girl Wash Your Face is but it is a wonderful read. This is the next level up. A practical guide to making realistic goals for where you are in life and crushing them. Adopting some of these behaviors could absolutely change your life.
Keep reading for our Rise Conference review.
Discussion Questions:
Part One- Excuses to Let Go Of (Covering Chapters 1-9 )
1- She says that “a goal is a dream with it’s workboots on.” Is there a goal you’ve accomplished that you used to only dream about?
2- Do you feel like you’re a goal oriented person? A list maker? A go-getter? More of a creative force?
3- Do you worry about what other people will think of your parenting or of your life decisions in general if you work to pursue a goal? How can you turn those worries into positive thoughts?
4- It’s easy to convince ourselves not to do something because “it’s been done before”. We need to change our inner dialogues. It has not been done by you yet. Are there positive things about the fact that someone’s done something similar? You can learn and grow and “combine their how with your why to create something epic.”
5-“Some say good girls don’t hustle. [But] I care more about changing the world than I do about it’s opinion of me.” Whew- people in the church will tell you all about how you need to sit down and follow Jesus. People in your family might be concerned about how your work will impact your family. The media might tell you that you can’t do something until you look a certain way. UGH. How you can you use your God given abilities to rise above all of that noise and believe that you can keep growing?
Part Two- Behaviors to Adopt (Covering Chapters 10-16 )
1- How are you making yourself small to not inconvenience others? How can you practice giving permission to you to be yourself unapologetically?
2- It’s easy to get off track by trying to accomplish too much. How do you feel about going all in on just one goal?
3- “There are a hundred ways to learn to swim and one very easy way to drown, and that is by being unwilling to admit you’re drowning in the first place.” How can you practice getting more comfortable with asking for help? Why is this such a significant habit to develop?
4- What is one small habit you can work on changing to help set yourself up for success daily? This is where she really broke down her five to thrive.
5- What are your favorite motivational songs? What are small things you can do to snap yourself out of a funk and keep moving?
Part Three- Skills to Acquire (Covering Chapters 17-21 )
1- The first skill is planning. How do you plan most effectively?
2- The second skill is confidence. Take turns going around your group and let everyone say something positive about everyone in the group. How can you practice affirming that you are worth the work? (One of the ways I’m working on this is by memorizing some verses about what God says about me as his child.)
3- The third skill is persistence. How can you build positive momentum? What’s the big reason that you want to keep getting back up when you fall down?
4- The fourth skill is effectiveness. Help each other do an efficiency audit. What are your strongest and weakest points of efficiency?
5- The fifth skill to develop is positivity. When you go through the day looking for blessings- you find them. Go around and discuss something really positive from your week. When are you the most positive?
6-The last skill to develop is lead-her-ship. Leadership isn’t always a skill that’s encouraged in girls growing up. Leaders are out there with or without you. With or without us. I’d rather it be with us. “The thing is, I believe there is magic in each and every one of you reading this. I know with every fiber of my being that if you all began to live more fully into that call on your heart – in spite of how scary and uncomfortable it feels at times- I know we would change the world.” What was your biggest takeaway from this book?
Keep reading for our Rise Conference review.
A Short Summary of the 2019 Rise Conference in Dallas
This RISE conference was split into three days and sections. Own Your Past, Present and Future. Experiencing the actual environment and speakers in person was amazing, but also a lot more intense, soul searching work than I was anticipating. We highly recommend the experience. There is nothing quite like standing in a room with hundreds of supportive women trying to reach new goals together. We’re going to share seven points of impact for us from each day. There were also dance and fitness instructors that worked awesomely with the attendees but we won’t be talking about that here. You can check out a little of what the RISE conference is like with this documentary- free on Amazon Prime.
Day 1 of the Rise Conference:
1- Rachel brought all sorts of motivation and great insight about health and wellness on day one. The biggest things we took out of the day were that there is no magic pill to change your life, you have to show up and start taking steps forward today. The other thing was to remember what a blessing our bodies are.
2- She also talked about practicing saying positive things about yourself. When you have so much love for yourself and your life you won’t need to worry about other people’s opinions.
3- We all need to practice speeding up our no’s and slowing down our yes’s. It’s part of taking hold of your schedule, investing in your yes’s and keeping promises to ourselves.
4- Rachel talked about her 10 body rules. Focusing on moving forward and your body, not judging others, and complimenting while also challenging yourself. Because if it’s not challenging you it’s also not changing you.
5- Nick Santonastasso spoke about where your focus goes, your energy flows. We have to change our language to change our focus. The word can’t is disempowering and blocks your brain from creating solutions, so switch it to “how” instead. Since gratitude outweighs negative emotions, we need to practice it. One way is to change you “have to’s” into “Get to’s”.
6- He also talked about making and following through on micro goals. Each promise you keep and small goal you achieve builds confidence.
7- Alex Ortner presented about the tapping system and how it can help reduce anxiety and reset your nervous system. You can watch an interview about what the tapping system is here.
Day 2 of the Rise Conference:
1- Jen Hatmaker spoke on not believing the lies of scarcity. There is room for us all. No one has done your dream the way you will yet. Your sister’s success does not diminish yours. We are all boats trying to make it through and a rising tide lifts us all together. Each woman’s success chips away at that patriarchal ceiling hanging over us and future generations.
2- She also told a beautiful story about how girl elephants rally around one another if one of them is injured or giving birth. We need to come alongside each other- celebrate, protect and commiserate with one another.
3- Trent Shelton blew us all away. Please check out his social channels. He talked about the growth that happens outside of your comfort zone when you start to apply what you know. Change your perspective with gratitude and movement. Moving your body changes your mood, gratitude changes your heart.
4- Don’t let people place their own impossibilities on you. We can’t focus on the 10% of hate instead of the 90% of love. Everything in our lives are connected- are we putting ourselves in a growth environment where we can thrive? Never let how they feel about you change how you feel about you.
5- The other point he made that really stuck with me is that we have to give ourselves permission to be great! Believe in yourself and be your own hero!
6- Rachel talked about helping yourself and others by unpacking your baggage. Owning your past so it doesn’t own you. Remembering that what you’ve experienced did not crush you. You are strong. Also- therapy is a gift.
7- Rachel also talked a lot about how embracing failure can help us. No one is good at something brand new. We have to be gracious with ourselves and keep standing back up until it is more natural to us than sitting down.
Day 3 of the Rise Conference:
On day 3 one really neat thing that they did was to have a female CEO panel. Joy Cho of Oh Joy spoke, Jamie Kern Lima of IT Cosmetics, and Charise Jones of Sassy Jones Boutique all spoke about their experiences of building their dreams, companies and families in an isolated patriarchal society.
1- On day 3 Rachel had the audience do a whole lot of soul searching. Meditating on and picturing what our best self could be in ten years, what our past self had overcome, as well as happy moments from our recent present. We wrote down ten dream goals, figured out our power word and picked one goal to focus on.
2- Dave Hollis spoke on the things that will try to trip up your dreams. Our fears, our influences and our unconscious habits will try to slow down our progress. Fear of failing at your dreams is more of an ego thing, we have to lean in and focus on positive voices in our lives.
3- Others have influence on us, but we can’t let their issues or worry keep us from blessing others with our dreams. Your growth will make people uncomfortable- keep growing.
4- Watching our unconscious habits is important. Is the media you are consuming serving you? Are your relationships positive influences on you? Are you in control of your calendar?
5- Something that both Dave and Rachel touched on during the conference was pushing aside the sexist notion that Mama can’t work and love her babies right. Instead of saying “What will it mean for my kids if I work” thinking of it as “What will it mean for my kids to see me working and achieving my dreams, goals and providing for them?” Them watching you is a positive force in their life- don’t let anyone guilt you about that.
6- Rachel finished out the conference with fire. Reminding us of all that we had learned that weekend and really drilling home practical tools and tips to achieve your goals. We say we don’t have time, but we are in charge of our calendar. What are you willing to give up to make it work? You have to learn to confront that negative voice in your head and move forward one step at a time with power. You are worthy and you are a force of energy.
7- We all have things about us that are unique and weird. What if God made you that way intentionally? What if you were made to reach for more? What if you really lived like your body and life were a blessing?
8*- Rachel talked about her 5 to Thrive Every Day, and while you can easily learn more about that on their socials, I figured it was worth ending the conference notes with because it is so powerful. 1) Drink half your body weight in water. 2) Eliminate a category of food for 30 days to see how it makes you feel. 3) Get up an hour earlier (or find an hour) to pursue your dreams. 4) Commit every day to a gratitude practice – 5 things within the last 24 hours that you are grateful for. Grateful energy is positive energy. 5) Move for 30 min every day. She also talked about finding an hour for yourself every day to make sure that you have time for the 5 to thrive as well as praying, meditating, and doing some goal hustling.
To Summarize Our Thoughts:
So what’s the Hollis team telling us? There is no magic pill, even in religion- which is what’s freaking religious people out about these books-, that can control your mood and effort. We do have control over our habits relating to our mood and effort though. It’s our responsibility to do what we can to work with the dreams and life that God has given us. There’s a lot of gunk on your path, so you have to discipline yourself, grab onto your community, grab onto your dreams and beliefs (you can read “Grab onto Jesus” here too), and rise up! She tells you to do that by lifting up and encouraging others while you keep getting back up and taking steps forward. Let’s Goooooooo as Dave Hollis would say.
If you want someone to tell you exactly how much you need Jesus to get everything done, you can find it elsewhere. Personally, I love the song “Lord, I need you” by Matt Maher. These books and the Rise conferences do not do that per say. But you could absolutely use this method of discipline to help your spiritual life rise and move forward as well. Her message is inclusive, encouraging you to listen well to others and encourage each other. It’s inspiring and motivational, the first book is one of the self-help best sellers after all. More than those things though, there’s a message that ran through both books and the Rise conference that I hope to never forget, and that is… You are worthy, and so are they. You are not stuck forever, and neither are they. Love yourself well so you can love others well. We would absolutely recommend the Rise conference for motivation into life change.
God created you intentionally and loves you. You were made for more. And friend, this is your one life to embrace and live- you’ve got this.
*You can check out more information about what the Hollis Company is up to and future Rise conference events on their website.
*If you enjoyed this blog you might also enjoy our blogs on not quitting, impostor syndrome and Mother Theresa, practice prayers, the Call to Courage Brene Brown Special, and building community in an isolated culture.
*Here are some of our favorite books to check out that you might enjoy if you enjoyed both of these books… (+plus the above books if you don’t have them but are interested in checking them out)
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