Into the Parenting-Verse: 3 Parenting lessons that Stuck with Us

Written by the Hobbit and edited by the Ent

A look at box office results tells us that our culture loves super hero movies. The current hit is Spider-Man.  Instead of commenting on this Spider-Man, however, I am going back six months to “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse”. I will just use “Spider-Verse” from here on out. It is my favorite Spider-Man movie (ratings on Rotten Tomatoes agree, just saying…), and is currently available on Netflix and other sites for rent or purchase.

You can also check out some of our thoughts on both movies below:

–Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse Review
–Spider-Man: Far From Home Review
–Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse Video Review
–Spider-Man: Far From Home Video Review

Some background…

An essential part of the Spider-Man narrative has always been the responsibility of having super-powers and the commitments that are attached to this responsibility. (With great power comes great responsibility dates all the way back to the first Spider-Man comic). In the Spider-Man story, this understanding comes from the death of Uncle Ben, who is the orphan Peter’s guardian.  In Spider-Verse, we see the usual Spider-Man story. But we also see another teenager, Miles Morales.
Miles is struggling with responsibility. He is an intelligent kid and his parents have him in an advanced charter school. But Miles is not really thrilled with this because he would really like to just go back to the old school, which, by implication would require him to work less and spend his spare time tagging. As a part of this struggle, Miles is spending time with his uncle Aaron, although his father would prefer that he not do so. And with this, Miles’ dad, Jefferson Davis, is also struggling with how to relate to his teenage son (the best way is to do this is probably NOT to make your child do a public “I love you Dad” on the steps of the school).
What you don’t see in the movie is the background for his dad, Jefferson, and Uncle Aaron as this would have eliminated a major reveal in the movie. There is a long conflict between the two as Aaron has always been a criminal. Jefferson is recruited by Nick Fury and is offered a job with S.H.I.E.L.D, but chooses to lead a simpler life as a police officer, which is where we find him at the beginning of the movie. Knowing this helps us to understand why dad wants Miles to have very little to do with Aaron.

Being a superhero is tough… so is parenting…

We have in Spider-Verse not only the tension between responsibility and freedom that is the classic Spider-Man story, but also the struggle of responsibly raising kids that comes with parenthood. And this is probably why Spider-Verse is my favorite Spider-Man so far. Being a teenager is really hard (and it is – you can take a look at our video review of “Far From Home” for some comments on that). That is well represented in the current MCU version of Spider-Man. Being a parent, especially the parent of a teen, is also tough.
With all this background known, what can we learn from Jefferson Davis and his interaction with Miles? As we dive into the parenting-verse, how can we improve our relationship with our kids? When we took a little bit of closer look, we found three lessons for parents from Spider-Verse

Lesson One: Every kid is searching for who they are and who they are going to be

As I pointed out earlier, Miles is super intelligent and in somewhat of a change from the typical Spider-Man, Miles is an artistic Spider-Man. But he is trying to figure out who he is. Is he an artist? What community does he belong to? He doesn’t fit in well at the charter school. Is he the next Spider-Man?  This is a lot to deal with as a high-schooler and although most don’t have to deal with these exact situations, the constant questioning of their purpose is very common.  What’s interesting about Spider-Verse is that Miles seems to have already found his calling at the beginning of the movie but is drastically changed throughout the film.  This reflects reality quite well, especially in an age where most children can be most anything in their imagination.  At this point in their life, it is so important for teens to have a source of encouragement and guidance.

Lesson two: Kids want their parents to assist and want parental approval

As is traditional with comic book police officers, Jefferson thinks Spider-Man is a loose-cannon vigilante. So, Miles has become someone his father really does not like. There is an interesting dichotomy here because kids want assistance from their parents, but also need to be able to make decisions themselves.  This can be a difficult balance for many parents.  Kids are also afraid they will be someone that does not have parental approval. And, as parents, we have the same fear. We often theorize about the grand plans for our children, but unfortunately, we also spend much time on the other end of the spectrum. What happens if my kid… (fill in your biggest fear for your child here).  In Spider-Verse, Jefferson’s love for his son overcomes these obstacles and in parenting, love for our kids is the key. And we need to do all we can to make them understand this because if not, it may lead to the third lesson.

Lesson three: If kids don’t have parental approval they may go looking for it in the wrong place

Because of the struggles in the relationship that both Miles and Jefferson are having, Miles turns to Aaron, the cool uncle, for acceptance. Only problem? The cool uncle is really a criminal. This is not to say that Aaron does not care for Miles as he winds up sacrificing his life to save Miles during the movie. However, our kids sometimes make great choices, and sometime poor ones, in seeking adult acceptance.  The more acceptance and love we can give as parents, the more input we have on those decisions.  Also having other adults and peers that consistently breathe positivity into our children’s lives is incredibly constructive.

There is a lot more that could be said. For example, Spider-Verse also has a great deal to say about commitment; there’s enough content for another post. Spider-Verse is just a great movie for parents to watch with kids and then ask your kids what you can do better and together.

1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

My own post credit scene – Since we are talking about spiders, take a look at this. It is by E. B. White (Charlotte’s Web). He wrote it for his wife, and it applies especially to spouses but it can also apply to our kids.

Natural History
E.B. White

The spider, dropping down from twig
Unwinds a thread of her devising:
A thin, premeditated rig
To use in rising.

And all the journey down through space,
In cool descent, and loyal-hearted,
She builds a ladder to the place
From which she started.

This I, gone forth, as spiders do,
In spider’s web a truth discerning,
Attach one silken strand to you
For my returning.

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