20 Ways to Support Foster Families written by the Elf on 5/12/2021 This post contains affiliate links, you can find out more on our policies page or in the disclaimer at the bottom of the blog.
The saying goes that ‘not everyone can foster but everyone can do something’. And it’s so true!! Fostering is so hard and foster families need a lot of support and community. When you choose to do something like fostering, sometimes it’s harder to ask for help because it is a choice rather than something that just happened to you. But community is a huge part of being able to successfully foster.
When offering support or help to someone, our default seems to be “Let me know if you need anything.” But saying that makes the person saying it feel better, but put unnecessary pressure on the person needing help. It’s hard to discern exactly what you need and figure out who to reach out to and then also how to coordinate it.
Here’s 20 ways to practically support foster families. Like with anything, it’s always good practice to ASK before just coming over and doing something (unless it’s just popping a giftcard in their mailbox ;] )
How to Support Foster Families Financially:
1) Food Gift Cards
This is the most useful thing. Often families don’t know enough about food preferences or allergies within the first couple of days to get a proper meal train set up. Meal delivery gift cards, restaurant gift cards, grocery gift cards- all of these are really helpful!
2) Shop their Amazon list
If you ask for an amazon wishlist- chances are they have one or will make one. Our first foster placement was super temporary and even though we knew that- the Amazon delivery driver practically lived at our house for the next two weeks.
3) Donate to foster family services
There are lots of places that directly serve foster families that could absolutely use your generous donations or shopping dollars.
*Donate to (or set your Amazon smile points towards) your local CASA. These are court appointed people, like a YMCA big brother or sister, that stick with a kiddo throughout their entire case. They’re important and always understaffed and underfunded.
*Shop at places like The Goods and Better Store that donate goods to foster families with each purchase.
*Donate to local non-profits that work with foster families, like Embrace NTX, or your local foster closet!
4) Consider buying them passes or memberships
A family zoo membership we received over Christmas has been SOOO helpful this year. Consider gifting a family passes or movie tickets if it’s in your budget. Getting out of the house and not spending a boat load is a wonderful gift.
5) Pick up something extra the next time you are at the store, or get them a giftcard
“Hey, I’m making a Walmart run- can I pick you up some snacks for the kids, diapers, etc…” or just grab a giftcard!! Super helpful, and even if they don’t need anything at the moment- it’s nice to be thought of.
How to Support Foster Families with Your Time:
1) BABYSIT!
It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. Take the kids to the park, take them to the movies.
2) Offer a specific time frame to stop by and help
Even if you just have 20 minutes to come play with the kids- there are boatloads of paperwork almost everyday and 20 minutes is super helpful. Sometimes it’s easier to get to an appointment if the other kids are playing with a friend. Or even if you could tag along to an appointment so we could talk tot he specialist without our kids in earshot. They won’t always need help, but again- it’s nice to be thought of.
3) Run an errand for them
“Hey, I’m going to be over in (city) tomorrow, is there anything I can pick up for you and drop off on your porch?” There are soooo many errands that need to be run, especially in the first couple of weeks.
4) Make them a meal
“Hey, I’m making lasagna tomorrow. Can I make an extra pan and drop it off for y’all tomorrow at *specific time*?”
5) Help with carpool
It’s time-consuming to go out of your way to pick up someone else’s kid for soccer practice but it could make such a huge difference. Maybe it’s not carpooling, but going out of your way to help is a big deal.
*Consider becoming a CASA, mentor, or tutor for a child in foster care!
How to Support Foster Families with Acts of Service
1) Donate your old stuff (& new stuff too!)
Chances are there is a foster closet in the largest city nearby, or maybe one closer. These are places that allow foster families to come shop through things that were donated to pick up for the kiddos in foster care. It’s such a ministry and a huge blessing. Most of the time the stipend foster families get for each child entering care is less than $100 and the kiddos typically come with very little. With $100 at Walmart I can get almost a weeks worth of clothing/PJ’s and a pair of shoes if I’m really thrifty. But kids need a lot more than that to thrive, especially the itty bitty ones and teens.
2) Fold the kids laundry
The laundry is never ending. And it’s really time consuming. This is such a huge blessing to have help with. The bonus for this one is that you can pick up laundry and do it at your own home if you feel it would be intrusive to stay at their house.
3) Do their dishes
Just like laundry, dishes are never ending and time consuming.
4) Yard Work
Offer to mow the lawn, pull some weeds or plant some flowers for them!
5) Get a background check
This will depend on what agency they are working with, but many require background checks and an application for anyone who wants to be a long-term babysitter or respite care provider. And it’s just nice to be able to have a babysitter that they know is already agency approved. You might also consider becoming a CASA.
How to Support Foster Families with Your Words
1) Use everyone’s name
Being in foster care is something that happened to these kids, it isn’t their identity. Avoid calling them foster kids or asking foster parents if those are their new foster kids in front of the kids. If you don’t know what to say just ask what their names are or tell them you’re glad to meet them or see them wherever you’re at.
3) Don’t ask for information in front of the kids
“How long will they be staying?” “What’s their story?” “Why did they get taken away” & so many other questions are both super inappropriate and unnecessary. But beyond that- 1) We probably don’t know all the answers ourselves and 2) we definitely do not want and should not be talking about it in front of the kids. Even toddlers and babies pick up on language and tone. If you’re not their confidante or BFF you should not be asking them anything you wouldn’t ask a neighbor down the street. I kid you not- I cannot count the number of times I’ve been asked if my adopted child was a drug baby by people who had absolutely zero right or need to know that information.
4) Take time to get educated & sign petitions
There are 8,000 myths about foster care that most people believe are true. Like that children in foster care get removed from their home because of their behavior, which is not the case. Or that most kids in foster care are teens, when over 60% are under 10. Check out this list of myths as a start. Or donate your small talk.
5) Listen to and encourage them
without judgement. Without needing to know every detail. Listen when needed and keep encouraging even when you think it’s not necessary. It’s not necessary to question them- I’m pretty sure they do enough of that.
Other ways to encourage foster families
There are lots of other ways to support foster and adoptive families. Think about what you know about the family and what you are able to reasonably give. What are your giftings? Photography, cleaning, tutoring, being a move theater chaperone? And while you are thinking about them, pray for them and leave them a note of encouragement. If they’re grieving a kiddo leaving their home, be there for them. That might look like helping clean or babysit.
Another wonderful way to encourage them is to say kind and positive things about their children. Kiddos experiencing and working through trauma often have big obstacles in school. Parents hear a lot of negative things and it’s always so wonderful to hear positive things- it’s very helpful.
What are some other ways that you have been encouraged or that you have encouraged someone else?
Thanks for reading! If this was helpful- would you take a few seconds to share it on social media?!
Check out these other posts about fostering and adopting!
-A must see drama and comedy movie: Instant Family
-The types of adoptions explained with super hero stories
-So it’s not exactly about adoption, but Brene Brown’s special is about being generous, grateful and courageous!
-We’re fostering again, and here’s 5 things we want you to know
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