Brene Brown: The Call to Courage Discussion Guide

Brene Brown: The Call to Courage Discussion Questions and Review

What You Need to Know about the Call to Courage:

Brene Brown: The Call to Courage
The Netflix Special
Length: 1 hr 15 min
Age Suggestion: 15+
Stars: 5 out of 5
Warnings: Parents should watch this first before watching it with their teens, she touches on some tragic topics that might be trigger points for some, there’s some cussing and mature topics- but don’t let that scare you away.

The Call to Courage Review and Notes:

I typed SO many notes during this talk that my fingers were tired by the end of it! There were so many amazing points and little stories I wanted to remember. She opens the special by talking a little about living in Texas, shares some family stories and then discusses the awkwardness of learning how to step out and be brave in her own work with her own research. She is hysterical, fun, motivational and real- all while giving us a kick in the pants to go live in the arena. When she talked about her and her husband having come to Jesus talks before their vacations I almost fell off the couch I was laughing so hard- so relateable.
For the sake of this blog post I’ve isolated 8 points that summarize what I took away from this special. Keep reading for the Call to Courage discussion questions and lessons.

8 Lessons I Want to Keep Learning from the Call to Courage:

1) Vulnerability and Bravery

You might have been taught to value bravery and also perfectionism, not failing. Vulnerability is how we measure bravery, the two can’t be separated. There is no courage without vulnerability. There is never a payoff without some effort or taking a chance. Vulnerability is ,in fact, not weakness but putting yourself out there when you are not sure what the outcome will be. But vulnerability impacts everyone. Either we embrace it and learn to work out our pain, or our pain gets worked out on others. She also emphasizes the need for boundaries and connection within the arena of courage.

2) We do care what people think

No one is immune to caring what people think. You get to choose whose opinions you hold on to. Brene freely admits to sinking into, what she calls, a shame spiral after her first TED talk got big on Youtube because of all the hateful comments. How easy is it to take in negative comments from the internet?! Our brains are literally wired to care what other people think. However, there are people who are not living their lives courageously in the arena, who live to throw negativity at others, she says. Let’s not catch what they’re throwing! Hang on to the opinions of the people who are being brave with you.

3) This quote from Theodore Roosevelt

that changed her perspective and trajectory.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

4) Choosing courage, living bravely in the arena, means you will know failure and heartbreak.

We can sink into shame and break or we can be resilient, vulnerable and keep moving anyways. The desire to be loved, seen and accepted is mentioned several times throughout the special. Although we all desire that, there is a strong fear of truly being seen and loved because it is such a scary, open space to be in. Living courageously with other people can be terrifying and painful, but it can also lead to belonging and freedom.

5) How we build resiliency

Our brains are hard wired for stories- so much so that when something happens to us and we don’t have all the pieces, it’s typical to fill them in. Of course we often jump to the worst case scenario. You build up resiliency by being honest and open with those you are close with about the story you are telling yourself. It’s about being clearer with your communication about your emotions and thoughts. For example: Your sister returns your favorite sweater that she borrowed and there’s a giant purple stain on the back. Instead of just stewing you go to her and say “The story I’m telling myself is that you threw this in a trashcan with slushies before returning it to me because you’re angry at me for saying you couldn’t borrow my shoes.” As it turns out, she had it washed and folded nicely on the counter but your nephew spilled a bottle of colored medicine on the counter and she didn’t even know it got on the sweater. Easily washed out- no big deal.

6) This ONE key trait

We have a tendency not to lean in to joy, to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. The people who are able to really lean in to joy instead of steep in foreboding joy have one thing in common- gratitude. This statistic blew my mind- over 90% of parents rehearse tragedy over their kids. “Oh, she looks so sweet playing with her friend on that hill. It’s too good to be true, they both are probably going to fall down and break both arms.” Rehearsing tragedy constantly prevents us from being able to really lean into those joyful moments and gratitude. This also surprised me, Brene states that Joy is actually the most vulnerable of all the human emotions! I know I have a tendency to subconsciously think that if I’m truly grateful and happy about something that it might be taken away. But as she says in her talk- my God doesn’t work like that. So we learn to be vulnerable with gratitude.

7) Ordinary Moments

People who have survived great tragedies often talk about missing the small things that we consider mundane. Don’t get so busy chasing the extraordinary moments in life that you forget to absorb and enjoy the ordinary ones. The moments you would miss if they were taken away. Again, being grateful for even the smallest things. This hit home with me tonight as I was snuggling my toddler. If we don’t practice being grateful for the small things, we’re not fully embracing them.

8) Difficult conversations are vital

Being willing to have difficult conversations is a large part of vulnerability. To not hold conversations because they make you uncomfortable is privilege. It’s our job to keep learning about our biases and the world around us without expecting someone else to teach you. This is especially significant in our shifting, shame filled, culture. Just because the conversations are hard doesn’t mean they don’t need to be had. Immigration, racism, gender, abuse, mental illness- these are all hot button topics for a reason right now and the conversation- and specifically how you handle your conversations- surrounding them is important. Brene also mentions the significance in our work environments. We spend so much time and energy at work- the culture there, your conversations there and your leadership matter.

Brene Brown: The Call to Courage
Discussion Questions:

1)How do you numb the pain and noise when something overwhelms you?
2) Brene’s mantra in the morning is “Today I will choose courage over comfort.” What’s something that you might need to repeat to yourself?
3) How do you choose whose opinions to hold onto? What steps can you take to stop absorbing things thrown from the cheap seats?
4) She mentions that belonging isn’t the same as fitting in. Do you strive to fit in? What steps can you take to help yourself move in the right direction and help others feel like they belong?
5) Do you tend to lean into joy or cling to foreboding joy?
6) Does the thought of doing something fun for play just because give you anxiety or excite you?
7) What’s your work culture like? What steps can you take this week to foster vulnerability and creativity?
8) If courage and gratitude physiologically impact our bodies- what are some positive steps that you can take today to lower your stress level and increase you gratitude level?

Conclusion:

She ends the special by saying this…“Vulnerability seems hard, scary and dangerous. But it’s not as hard, scary or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves ‘What if I would have shown up?’ Show up, be seen, answer the call to courage. Because you’re worth it. You’re worth being brave.” What an encouraging call to action. You’re worth it!! And this special is worth watching, as are her TED talks. Maybe a couple of times so you can reabsorb some of the points when you’re having trouble getting back in the arena.

Be brave this week! You’re worth it!

You can find her books here; I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t), The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Dare to Lead, Rising Strong, and Braving the Wilderness

Before you go, check out these other posts!

–You Vs. Wild interactive family show
-Marie Kondo’s Tidying Up Special
-An Adoptive Family Review of the movie Instant Family
-Our top family-friendly Netflix suggestions
–5 Lessons from Narnia on Communication

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